Saturday, December 27, 2008

Who am I

Born in 1965. Second in a brood of 6. Unmarried but partnered (5 years going on 6). Introspective; always in need of space; searching for goodness in others; wondering why goodness finds difficulty in coming out in this world, in work, in relationships, in love, in family, etc. I yearn to read all the great works of people. I would have loved to travel the world, if only I was free of obligations. The thought of travel is daunting because I know if I leave I would never want to come back to my country. I am idealistic, sometimes too much. I am fearful that a day ends without an accomplishment. I envy the great things that happen in places in the world: the flourish of creativity, the great things created by people. Middle aged and still wondering why we have to pay our taxes, property taxes, insurance, investments, etc. Why does life have so many requisites? My greatest dream is to live away in some quiet place which cannot be touched by the craziness of the world. I love dogs and their simplicity and unconditional loyalty. I love colored skies that show you the wonder of how small we really all are. I do not like imposing, nor do I enjoy impositions. Love and life should never be an imposition. If they are as beautiful as people say they are, why are there too many rules to love and living. Autumn is beautiful, Winter, Summer and Spring; a little baby's laughter. And yet these do not demand too much from us. Only those that man creates imposes. I am a loner and can stand being alone if need be. I am fatalistic and can prepare myself for the eventuality of death. I have lost a father when I was younger and lost his memory with time. I am longing to understand life so I know that when I leave I can embrace what's next after. I do not like children suffering. They should be spared. Much of the world's chaos is brought about by children who had no way of explaining pain and all the stupidity that adults create. I wish to live in Peter Pan's Neverland. I live in my own fairy tales still hoping for happy ever afters. I am tired of the world and all that man dictates for the world to be. I need space, lots of it. I lack sleep and find being awake at night the most beautiful part of 24 hours. Let the whole world sleep, and you awake. Time stops when the world is sleeping. I hate mornings because they summon us to move again with the craziness of the world: the traffic, the meetings, the presentations, the bills to pay. 

This is who I am as far as I know. And it is my aim to know myself better, understand the world better so I can manage its craziness and shield myself from its faults. Perhaps it is also a way to shield the world from the likes of me. 

"Who am I" will dictate "what I want to be" in the remaining years. "Who am I" will pave the way for me to go to a place where I can say my soul is truly at peace. 

4 comments:

  1. This was beautiful. I'm so glad you started a blog!

    I SO agree about the children, the stupidity of adults and how it effects the world as a whole. I think about this often and can really get myself in a funk about it...

    I need lots of space and can be quite a loner as well. I think that's why I am a cat lover, lol!

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  2. Thank you Nikki! This is me bearing my soul. It was supposedly something of a journal but now it's become one great thing that my soul enjoys = ) dolls, gone with the wind, and getting connected with people who enjoy the same thing.

    I've always sensed you were a creative person and a lover of beautiful things of the past. You have a beautiful home, children and a loving husband. That cat is good company when one is alone, it doesn't complain much. We need our space and recharge so that we can share that space with the people we love. Thanks for passing by = )

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  3. Some wise person (I think) retorted: The best things in life are free. So how many kittens do you want?

    I would like you to read:
    1. The Fatal Friendship: Marie Antoinette, Count Fersen & the Flight to Varennes.
    2. Du Barry: a biography by Stanley Loomis.
    Both books are written by Stanley Loomis. You could find them at www.abebooks.com. Beautifully written. I have read & re-read them over & over again. You will fall in love with these women the way you love Scarlet.

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  4. Thank you Belladonna! It seems you are quite a reader yourself. Ahhh if only there was a profession where one just got paid to read. Thank you for your recommendations. I will pursue them -- most definitely. Thank you once again!

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