Saturday, December 27, 2008

Beginning

Soultalk777. I have always been wary of opening a blog. This being my second attempt and hopefully my last. Choosing a name for ones' blog is like asking yourself: who am I? what am I here for? where is this going to go? Questions which actually others will find silly but which I think set the direction of ones' existence specially when one is 43. Existentialist? Philosophical? Profound? I don't know. I just want a place where I can converse with my mind and if by chance that conversation reaches others, so be it. I am not here to show intellectual capabilities, nor to wow people with words and ideas. I am here because I need conversation; conversation with the soul. My soul. The truth is the world is too claustrophobic with work, the need to achieve, the technology, the lack of privacy, the noise, the chatter, the egos, etc. etc. I never wished and still never wish to be part of those. And yet, because you live, because you need to make a living, because you move around others who have stronger voices, you get sucked in. 
I need a rock to hold on, a way to get back to myself everyday. 
I want a journal to measure myself; look back on to see where I've been, if my soul has made any progress at all in knowing its purpose. I do not wish to write for others. Why blog then? Well, it is the modern diary isn't it? Throw those thoughts into a sea of online thoughts and if by chance it connects with someone, then my only wish is that serves a purpose. I am a Creative Director who feels the intimidation of that one great power  that the Universe or God has given us: creativity. Man has made it an extension of his ego. And so, in any industry that gift is subject to ridicule, mockery and condescending eyes. Intellectual bullying is common in all creative industries. It is reductive of one who bullies and  the one bullied. 

I am searching for a way to affirm my existence away from the measure of the world. When one is truly happy, even in the simplest ways, it doesn't matter how rich or big others are. The world measures us by numbers: how much do you have? how many have you done? We are all on a journey and our souls, I believe, have chosen a personal route to their destinations. Each one choosing their own course in life -- without us knowing it. Who are we to judge which one is better than the other when each one is after a personal and unique destination. 

So, let this be my personal journey into my thoughts and into my life, and into my soul. This is my connection to you "soul". Listen to me. I will listen to you. Help me find what you need to fulfill for yourself -- help me to find what we need to fulfill away from what others think we need to fulfill. It's crazy I know. But uniqueness is often judged that. 

I will not say no to my soul no more. 
I will not say yes to what others feel I must do and must be. 
I will not say no to life no more. 
I will only say yes to what my soul feels my life should be. 


3 comments:

  1. You may not be here to wow the blogworld with words, but you are doing it for me! : )

    It's been a pleasure corresponding with you Boots~ here's to a New Year!

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  2. Numbers are a very tiresome way to validate your worth according to the world. I stop for a while to smell the flowers & I have missed the boat. I am still doing some catching up & breaking down in the process. It seems to me even the loved ones think I am not as fast as I have been. A have been! I find solace to keep me sane in books, music, movies, cats & dolls.

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  3. Hello Belladonna!
    Thank you for following the blog. Although I feel it doesn't have much doll stuff to show as other blogs. I go back to the start of the blog where you've placed your comment. I will respond to the rest in time. Numbers and Time are ways of measures of accomplishments. I am starting to realize that they can either have power over you or one could have power over them. Life really begins when you stop thinking about the numbers and start thinking of how well life is just spent every day, every minute --without thinking of what could have been and what could be.

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